Friday, August 20, 2010

When one door closes

"They say" when one door closes another is sure to open.
There are no endings, only new beginings.

The chapter in my life that lasted three years has come to an end. The chapter titled full time working (outside the home)traveling, trying to have time for myself, trying to be a good friend, wife, daughter, employee, co-worker and MOM. Today was my last day at the natural personal care company with the yellow lip balm. No more rushing out the door in the mornings (at least not to go to work) no more daily sheets explaining what my child ate, drank or played with from day care, no more calls to pick up sick kids. The best more dropping my babies off to pick them up in time to put them to bed.

Instead we will be rushing out the door for pre school! I will know what they ate, drank and played with, because, I will be the one that gets to eat drink and play with them!! I will be home with them when they are sick, which is where I should be. And I will not feel guilty about it. And I will not have to answer work phone calls or work emails or put out any fires. And I most certainly won't be out of town!! (I wasn't even an important person)

I have spent two years dropping off an infant at or before breakfast only to pick them up in time to give them some dinner, maybe or maybe not give them a bath (depending on what time they last napped at daycare) nurse them and put them to bed, only to start the same routine the next day. Perhaps that is why I nursed each for so long? It's my time with them. Number two is still nursing strong, if my head had been on straight three months ago, and I could calculate timing, I would have started weening then. However, it wasn't, I couldn't and I didn't. We will deal with that at another time.

I am excited to start my new chapter. Start making up for lost time. Time that I will never get back. Time with my babies, while they are still babies. I am also nervous. Can I do it? Will I drive everyone crazy trying to keep them occupied? Will they be ready for school? How will I ever ween B now? Will I be ok with a messy house but dinner on the table? How will I ever find a balance? What about the husband? Is he really ok with supporting us? We've never lived this life before. It will be an adjustment. How do I keep him motivated? This economy isn't the easiest to convince him of that, we are that case in point. What if it happens to both of us?

Don't get me wrong I still admire the full time working mom. It is a super tough life. Depending on your commute or travel schedule you have an average of one hour (lucky me, I had an hour and half) a day to yourself. But is it really to yourself? The entire way to work I think about whats on my plate for that day. Prioritizing my to do list. The entire way home, I think about whats for dinner, wondering what time B woke up from his nap, what kind of mood Q will be in. There is no shut down mode. Not that there is as a stay at home mom either.

I always say "If it works for you, it's the right decision". So I am hoping that the decision CP & I just made was the right one. The best one for our family. Afterall, that's our job as parents.

So here is to a fresh start, a new challenge. My life as a stay at home mom! This blog is about to get a little more interesting for sure! (I'm hoping for your reading pleasure!)

I know two little boys (and one yellow puppy) that think this is going to be great!

No comments:

Post a Comment